Perspective

   I haven't written in awhile as I've been sick, thankfully not life threatening, but definitely life changing.

   I started this blog for perspective on our lives and to celebrate my husband's very strange, difficult and often thankless job.

   Here I sit, knowing from all the stories I hear from J.D. of the pain and suffering he witnesses, that I should be grateful that I have all my limbs, I don't have cancer, or have to have dialysis, or any of the myriad of dreadful illnesses he sees on a regular basis. But instead, I can't help but be jealous of those who go to the hospital on a regular basis, for a headache, a stomach ache, a bout of diarrhea the night before. Those who never worry about the bill because they know the taxpayers will pick it up. And they get answers and treatment immediately. Instead I have to wait for over three months to see a specialist, no treatment in sight, hoping I get an answer before I finally give in and go to the hospital. I say to J.D, if I was on welfare, I'd be in the hospital every week, and they would have figured out my issues and set me up on treatment, just to be rid of me. He quietly agrees, that's what he sees too. This makes me feel mean and petty, but doesn't change the way I feel. I know I should be grateful for all the things its not, for all the things we've already ruled out. That I should be grateful that I'm not the type of patient J.D. sees on a daily basis, be it the seriously sick or the desperately needy. But it's hard to not feel like I'm being punished for being stoic, hardworking, rule abiding, not wanting to impose on people. However, that is who I am and so I'll continue to wait until I can get in to see the specialist.

   J.D. is working on the next level of being a medic. Currently he is an EMT, in a few months he will step up to being a Paramedic. That means he will be in charge of the whole scene. Everything will become his responsibility  from directing the firefighters to talking to the family to making medical decisions. He admits to me, that he's nervous about this next step. It means that if something goes wrong, it will be because of a decision he made. And when something goes wrong in his line of work, it could very well mean someone dies. He says he is afraid of making the wrong decision and killing someone. What do you say to this? That is a very valid concern. You are one of very few professions that have this responsibility. That how can I have an answer for you? When I make a mistake, a contract dies...What I do say, and what I do know, is that he is built for this, that his personality is such that he is one of the few capable of stepping up to this responsibility. That mistakes will happen, and people will die even when he makes the right decisions. But that he is called for this. And there will be lots of times that he makes the right decision and someone does not die because he was there. But then I remember, he is doing all of this for a similar salary to a teacher, and I think, is it even worth it?

    So maybe I haven't written in a while not because I've been sick, but rather because I've lost the power of perspective.

Boobs, Private Parts and Prostitutes

     My husband has seen a greater variety of boobs and private parts since we got married than he ever did before. I, however, am not jealous in the least. It's generally from a prostitute, or for some bizarre reason, he tends to get flashed by the older, overweight women. Plus there is the men with twisted testicles and other private ailments that insist on showing him where it hurts (whereas, he's perfectly fine with just a description of the problem!).

    I had, of course, heard about prostitutes from things like TV and every town has that one street that they all stand on. But in my little social bubble, I never realized just how prevalent it is. I'd say close to half the women that J.D. picks up are prostitutes (wow, out of context that would sound really bad...).

    He picked up a prostitute whose client told her he had AIDS after the transaction was done (she was actually at Murder Kroger, it has its own Wikipedia page). He picked up one whose client had beaten her during the transaction, but she was so unfazed by this that she went home and slept first before calling 911. She had a tattoo that said Love is Pain (no honey, it's not...). One of the first patients J.D. helped with that died was a prostitute that had been beaten and left in someone's backyard. Or the time he responded to a prostitute that was having abdominal pain and had to walk through the crackhouse/whorehouse and was offered a hit of God knows what by a member of the clientele.

    And these prostitutes are so blase about it. J.D. went to one woman having chest pains due to smoking too much crack. J.D. asked how much had she had? Her response was about $200 worth. He then asked how'd you get that money? Her response, and this is a direct quote "sellin' pussy". J.D. and his partner will post at different spots while waiting for the next call and there is one outside a self cleaning bathroom that cost the City of Atlanta $100,000. They get to watch all sorts of business transactions take place in this bathroom. There is, of course, the drug sales, but also they've watched a prostitute hawk her wares on the street and then take her clients into the bathroom. She knew they were watching her too because at one point, she hiked up her dress (she didn't have any underwear on) and flashed J.D. and his partner.

     There are more stories, but this makes me sad because, for whatever reason, these women are stripped of everything they have to offer except their bodies.

(I don't have a picture for this post because I felt like even the picture from a Halloween in college where I went as a western saloon girl would be in bad taste as that was one night of dressing up versus a harsh reality for these women)

Gratitude: As much as I dislike my current situation, at least I have lots of resources to create a career, a job, bring in money. At the end of the day, I have a lot to draw on to build a life and a future. I have OPPORTUNITY.

Quote: "Often people attempt to live their lives backwards; they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want"-Margaret Young


    

National First Responders Day

There is a movement to make today National First Responders Day (also a bill was introduced for it to be September 25th), but I'm going with today's date.

So have you hugged and/or thanked a first responder today? These men and women certainly deserve our thanks and gratitude. Their job is to be there when we need them the most. They come when there is a house fire, they are at car accidents, a brutal assault, they rush your grandmother to the hospital with chest pains. They do their best to protect us, to save our lives, to pick up the pieces. And they do this at the expense of a "normal" life. Because they are out there for us, they miss out on things like holidays, sleep, good pay, not knowing what a dead person looks like/smells like...The second most common response to my husband is an EMT, after I bet he has interesting stories, is, I could never do that.

And that is exactly it, most of us could not do it, we couldn't go out there and be a firefighter, a police officer or a medic. We would puke at the first bad smell or run from the first gunshot (or bullet wound).

Whether First Responders Day is the 25th or the 27th, we need a day to thank these men and women for what they do and for what they give up to do it. We need to thank them for having the courage, the chutzpah, the cojones to do these jobs.

Below is a post I wrote a while back. But I wanted to post it today as it highlights a characteristic of the man I married and is part, albeit, only part of, why he is who he is and why he does what he does:

Sometimes really sad things happen and my husband's job is to be there when they do. Surprisingly, he's rarely rattled by what he sees and who he talks to. But sometimes, something happens that rattles his (incredible) composure. He went to a call where this girl was trying to leave her abusive boyfriend with their baby in a stroller. She was walking to the street corner to meet her mother and brother who were coming to pick her up. The abusive boyfriend pushed her off the sidewalk and into oncoming traffic. It was her mother and brother that hit her, and she did not survive.

I think this rattled him because he didn't understand this man's actions at all as my husband is the complete opposite of that. I know without a doubt, he would step in front of that car for me. He is simultaneously my security blanket and my biggest cheerleader. I know that when my life gets too heavy or dangerous, he will be there to step in front of me and protect me from whatever. Today, I am grateful for my husband who loves me, protects me and supports me. I also wish that for everyone else, that they find that in their lives too. In the meantime, they can borrow mine for three 12 hour shifts a week (and any time he sees someone broken down on the side of the road, or anytime someone gets sick in a store, okay, so it's more like whenever he sees that someone needs help...).

And so to my husband, who is probably embarrassed by this post right now, who shrugs and says its not a big deal when I tell him I'm proud of him for what he does, modest soul that he is. I say it is a big deal, and I'm proud of you.

Thank you for what you do, thank you to all first responders for what you do, stay safe!

My Little Brother, the Bad A$$ Police Officer

So there is a movement to make September 27th National First Responders Day. I fully support that, so today and tomorrow, I'm posting about the First Responders nearest and dearest to me. My little brother, the police officer and, tomorrow, my husband, the EMT. As an aside, I have to include my big brother as well, who is in the Merchant Marines and is a trained firefighter for ships and oil rigs. So take the intensity and scariness of a fire and put it on a ship or oil rig...I am lucky enough to be surrounded by brave and tough men that would have my back in a heartbeat (and I'm pretty tough in my own right) :)

                                                My brave brothers and I  (big brother on the left, "little" brother on the right)
                                                                                  
Police officers get a bit of a bad rap with those who are fortunate enough not to need them. They only come into our lives when we are driving a little too fast or roll through a stop sign, etc. And then we curse them for being there and noticing our faux paux. But it obviously goes without saying, they do so much more. Medics will often respond to a call with police officers. They work together across the spectrum from wrestling crazy people to helping urban outdoorsmen (bums). J.D. responded to a woman that had thrown a hissy fit in front of one shelter and pissed herself (according to J.D., smelled like she had pissed herself multiple times). She didn't want to go to the hospital but did want the ambulance to take her across town to another shelter. They are not a taxi service (this is not obvious to everyone) so they can't do that. But the police officer offered to take her across town to the other shelter, after they wrapped her in a sheet so she wasn't sitting on his seats (how gross must she have been that they were protecting the back seat of a police car from her?). Then the next day, J.D. and his partner responded to a call where a woman was complaining of leg pain. A police officer was there as she had flagged him down first. Turned out, she had run out of ibuprofen. So the police officer walked across the street to the store and bought her a bottle of water and some ibuprofen. These are just two examples from last week of police officers going out of their way to help people they really didn't have to. And finally, medics don't carry guns or weapons of any kind, nor do they have any protective gear. So when they respond to a call that has potential for violence, police officers will go in first. Think about that, these men and women go in to places that aren't safe for other people to go into...

My little brother is a police officer in Florida. And I am crazy proud of him. If you google his name, at least five news articles pop up about him making stops and catching bad guys. He's the kind of cop that hates writing speeding tickets and does his darnedest to avoid it. But wants to be in the worst part of town stopping the drug trade, gangs, and other horrible stuff that makes you cringe when considering this is your little brother...Growing up, we were best friends and each others biggest tormentors. Two of our favorite games were juvenile delinquents with our matchbox cars and cops and robbers using an old porch as jail. What's it say about us that we became a police officer and an attorney?

                           Can you guess which one is the cop? If you said the one wearing the cop sunglasses, you'd be right

My brother loves his job, for the most part. He works bad hours, has to deal with red tape, and sees things that no one should ever have to see. His whole life is shaped by the job he does, a job that protects the rest of us. So to my little brother (and his colleagues), thank you from myself, thank you on behalf of the community of Gainesville, Florida, and thank you from all of us that could never do what you do.

I love you little brother! Stay safe!

Respect

There is a lot of support for our military men and women, and deservedly so. Some of the ways we thank them are military discounts, bumper stickers, and a national holiday. All hard earned by those who serve, and in my humble opinion, well deserved and not even enough to express the debt of gratitude that we owe them.

But I will make the argument that the First Responder's are doing something similar to what our military do, only here within our communities. That is, protecting us at the expense of a "normal" life. Like the military, those who are First Responders, work odd hours at the expense of their personal lives, they see things that people should not see, and they put their lives on the line for you and me.

Now, complete disclosure, I am completely biased as my husband is an EMT and my brother is a police officer. But I believe that those who serve as first responders deserve the recognition and respect that is equivalent to how much they invest in protecting us. They at least should have a national holiday! (Or discounts would be nice too, although to be completely fair, a lot of local businesses will give discounts if the First Responder is in uniform.).

Back in March, a colleague of J.D.'s was killed by a drunk driver on the way home from his shift. This drunk driver had been drinking at a strip club for 12 hours straight...

The local news coverage was shameful.  Luckily, being a First Responder isn't just a job, but rather a life style choice. And because of that, they have their own community surrounding them. So even though the city did not recognize this EMT's passing, there was a funeral procession of approximately 30 ambulances through the city in his honor. The firefighters showed up and did a raised ladder salute. The police showed up in force as well.

I sent a letter to the local paper expressing my disgust at their treatment of the story. When they didn't respond, I posted the following on Facebook. But as I feel that respect for our First Responders is incredibly important, I am posting it again here:

In the early morning hours last Sunday, a Grady EMS EMT, Jason Strickland, was hit and killed by a drunk driver while going home from his shift. Accidents involving drunk drivers are always tragic, but this one is even more so as Mr. Strickland’s job was to help after tragedies like this. The local media has barely acknowledged that one of their First Responders has been struck down.

This is the article in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution: "A motorcyclist died early Sunday morning after a collision with a passenger vehicle on I-20 Westbound in Douglas County, authorities said. About 5 a.m. Jason Dale Strickland, 37, of Bremen was driving his Harley Davidson west on I-20 near Lee Road. Authorities said a Honda Element driven by Francisco Ferrer, 33, of Dallas, struck Strickland from behind. The impact threw Strickland from the motorcycle into the center travel lane where he was hit by a truck. Strickland was killed in the crash. There were no other injuries. There are no charges pending against the driver of the truck, Joseph Edward Marrett, 66, of Conyers. Ferrer has been charged with driving under the influence and possibly other charges once the police investigation is complete."

This blurb does not even begin to cover Mr.Strickland 's life and the unfairness of this tragic accident. Below is a Letter to the Editor of the AJC that I wrote in response to their less than adequate coverage of Mr. Strickland’s life and death. I received an automatic response that they will let me know within a week if they are interested in running it. But Mr. Strickland’s funeral is today, Thursday 3/29/12, and I believe he deserves recognition and honor no matter whether the AJC decides to run his story. It will be posted here for those who wish to see it:

Dear Editor,

On March 25th, a man was killed by the very people he served and protected. At approximately 5:00 am, Jason Strickland, an EMT with Grady EMS was struck and killed by a drunk driver on the way home from his shift.

Mr. Strickland had spent all night answering 911 calls, probably even cleaning up after and generally helping drunk people. Then as he was driving home after a 12 hour shift serving the city of Atlanta, to his wife and kids, a drunk driver hit him from behind.

The men and women of Grady EMS, and ambulance services across the nation, answer the call to be there for people in the very worst of moments. Whether it’s a gun shot, overdosing on alcohol/drugs, or someone’s grandmother having chest pains, they arrive to pick up the pieces and give people the best opportunity to live as they possibly can.

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution newspaper ran an article, or rather a blurb, about this horrible accident. It consisted of seven sentences and never once mentioned that Mr. Strickland was an EMT for Grady EMS or even that he was coming home from work and was not a rabble rouser out partying. Actually, the biggest detail the article discusses is his motorcycle. It would not have taken a lot to discover that Mr. Strickland was an EMT with Grady EMS as he died in his uniform.

If you have to call 911 in the coming weeks, you will see the Grady Medics that respond have black bands around their badges in honor of Mr. Strickland. His death is felt very strongly throughout the First Responders community and Mr. Strickland deserves the same recognition and honor from the city he served.

We often hear the stories about the tragedies caused by drunk drivers, but the shame of it is that when they are leaving from the party, they are sharing the road with this country’s First Responders that are often going into and coming home from work at the same time. They are working shifts ready to cover the fall out from this partying.

The horrible irony of this accident is that had this drunk driver hit anything other than Mr. Strickland, he would have been the first to stop and do everything he could to save lives.

Being a part of Grady EMS, or any emergency service nationwide, takes courage, strength, and sacrifice by both the Medic and their families. When they are on the job, they face the unimaginable. This accident has made us all realize that the families have to not only fear for their Medic’s safety when they are on the job, but also when they are going to and coming from work.

Mr. Strickland was a hero. Not just in extreme circumstances when we all would hope to be one, but as his everyday job. The First Responders community salutes him as a hero that has fallen, I hope this city will join them.

Sincerely,

Wife of a Grady EMS EMT that goes in to work at the same time Mr. Strickland used to drive home.

My thoughts and prayers go out to the family of Mr. Strickland. Thank you over and over again to all those that put their lives on the line to be there when the rest of us need them the most. 

Those who have your back

If the police have arrested someone and they complain of pain or they show altered state of mind, they'll often call an ambulance in. J.D. went to a call the other day where this guy was running down the street naked and was subsequently arrested. He was sitting in the back of the police car naked and was medically evaluated naked...So that doesn't really have anything to do with the point of this post, but for some reason, I'm astonished by that...Seems to me, if you're going to do something stupid, you probably shouldn't do it naked. Although I suppose in his defense, he was high as a kite, so maybe started out fully clothed? Anyways, J.D. was called out by the cops for a 15 year old hood rat that had run from them. After they caught him, this kid complained of chest pain. When the medics showed up, the kid was mouthing off to the cops about how slow, fat, lazy, etc they are. J.D. laughed and said, "they caught you didn't they!". The cop looked over at J.D. and said "thanks, we aren't allowed to say stuff like that". My point is, you never know where someone that has your back will come from.

One day, J.D. picked up a guy on a Sunday morning. He was hung over with no ID, no wallet, no cellphone. The last thing the patient could remember was being in a strip club with some friends, in Alabama (J.D. works in Atlanta, Georgia)...Turns out that he had been black out drunk and his friends put him on a bus headed out of the state...And you had better hope the people that have your back are the right ones.

I used to sneer at politicians and the obviousness of their power corruption. Then I got in to the work place and realized a lot of people do stupid power plays for seemingly little to non existent power. And it really gets me fired up when those power plays (which I am not involved in!) affect my life. My husband is in a school program to become a paramedic (woohoo for getting to give drugs to patients!) and there is a power struggle going on that may postpone his graduation by three whole months. But his director has stepped up to try to find another way so that his class doesn't get screwed over.

Or my bridesmaids who frantically redid our bouquets, using flowers from the reception centerpieces, minutes before our wedding because of a mishap that killed the flowers in the old ones. They never once complained, they scrambled to get it done, and still came out on the other end composed and beautiful. Then proceeded to put up with pins poking them, wet bouquet handles, and keeping the "ugly" side pressed against their dresses so no one else at the wedding would realize they had been done last minute.

                                                                (Can't tell can you?)

Gratitude: I'm grateful for those around us that are not only on our side, but also have our back.

Quote: "Do not protect yourself by a fence, but rather by your friends"

Reasons

Not surprisingly, a large percentage of the people that J.D. picks up are schizophrenic/bipolar. For some reason these cases make me sadder than just about anything else, except for domestic abuse. It's because these patients are often fighting so hard with themselves and on a certain level, I can relate to that. J.D. took a young man with schizophrenia to the hospital that had been off of his meds for some time, so was pretty revved up. The entire ride to the hospital, he would alternate between being pretty with it and freaking out. During these episodes he kept trying to leave the back of the ambulance (which was en route already). But this guy had mentioned early on to J.D. that he was going to the hospital because his uncle had asked him to. So he would freak out and J.D. would remind him he was doing this for his uncle which would calm him down. It's so important to have someone and/or something in your life that keeps you on the right path.

I excessively dislike my job sometimes (we're talking gray cubicle walls). Although I would label myself as a glass half full sort of person generally, every once in a while I sink into a glass is half empty with food bits crusted to the inside at a restaurant type. Most recently, I sort of got stuck on the idea of packing it in and moving back with our parents in Florida. But J.D. reminded me that I have four very good reasons to keep doing the things I don't want to:

Gratitude: I'm grateful for my reasons to do what I have to do, no getting around it. They make my glass half full again.

Quote: "For myself, I am an optimist-It does not seem to be much use being anything else"-Sir Winston Churchill